I'm on a High!

(Note: matagal na bago ako nakagawa ng isang matinong akda. I never asked for something like this. Though I have not started anything yet. I know this will be something good. I hope so.) Gusto kita. Gusto kitang makasama. Gusto kitang makita. Gusto kitang makita araw-araw. Gusto kitang makita araw-araw o kahit bawat segundo. Gusto kitang makasama habang buhay. Gusto kita. Gusto kita kahit di ko na alam kung tama. Gusto kita kahit sinasabi ng isip ko na hindi. Gusto kita kahit alam kong hindi pwede. Gusto kita kahit ayaw ng mundo. Gusto kita kasi hindi ko kayang wala ka. Gusto kita. Gusto kita kasi hindi ko alam. Gusto kita kasi 'yon ang para sakin ay tama. Gusto kita kasi hindi ko talaga alam. Gusto kita kahit di ko na malaman ang dahilan. Gusto kita. Gusto kita kasi nagiging corny ako pag kasama kita. Gusto kita kasi higit pa sa dictionary ang dating mo sa buhay ko. Gusto kita kasi higit ka pa sa Crayola sa pagkulay ng aking mundo. Gusto kita kasi talo mo...

There are things that I couldn't contain. There are lots of things that I can't complain. But, there are things that I could do to ease the pain. These are not easy. But, they are simple. There are lots of hiatuses before I start each sentence. It's not easy to let them out. I have been preoccupied by the same things. They just get bigger and harder as I try to neglect their existences. I can fake every smile and laugh. I can force myself to be as good as I could ever be. I can learn to let things pass. I can do things. But, out of my will, I feel the burden of turning the stones into something soft. I just can't rest my head on a stone and think it is the softest pillow ever. I can lie to my mind for a while. But, my heart knows what is not. Lately, I have been through the best and worst of everything . It was more than a speedboat or even a jetplane. I was like hanging on a cliff, in a good way. I'm at the verge of everything. Life is not really it when ...

I don't care who will read this. I don't care on what people think. I don't care about people who don't even care. I just can't give any of it to them. I will clearly state everything sa paraan na maiintindihan mo. Oo. Ikaw. Ikaw na lagi kong inisip. Lagi kong gustong isipin kahit anong oras. Kahit na hindi na dapat. Kahit hindi na pwede. Siguro, wala nang dahilan para umulit pa. Wala na ring dahilan para subukan pang muli. Hindi sa ayaw ko nang masaktan. Ayoko lang na maulit yung mga pagkakamaling hindi ko na dapat ginawa. Alam ko naman. Masyado lang akong nagpabulag sa gusto kong makita hindi sa ano yung nasa harapan ko. Kung mababasa mo to. Alam mong hindi ko kayang magalit o kaya magsalita man lang ng masakit. Pero kung sa ibang mundo, baka nagawa ko na. Ilang ulit pa. Pero, alam kong alam mo kung ano lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. Higit pa sa bakit. At kung bakit hindi. Marahil kalokohan lang ang lahat ng ito. Kalokohang minsan kong kinagiliwa...

I think I have posted lots of items on moving on. It was never easy to move on, move forward. It will never be, actually. It is never easy to find yourself walking away to something that means so much to you way back when. To take the first step is the most difficult part of the moving on process. But, I think to keep moving is the more difficult task. Realizing that there's nothing left, you just have to keep going. Wherever life leads you, you just have to take the walk. The walk is not tiresome. The memories that haunt is. What if. What if not. These are the two questions we have to forget. There is no way the present will change if you have done or not a thing. People will tend to make the decisions not by what we do but how they feel. It's just a matter of time. I have always said much. But, I have not heard anything. It is impossible for me to understand why. I am wasting my time finding the answers when in fact, there are no questions. But, you will ...

Tama ba? Ang tanong na ang madalas na bumabagabag sa akin sa bawat desisyon na ginagawa ko - maliit man o malaki. Hindi sapat ang oo o hindi para makampante o mapanatag ang damdaming nag-aalab. Siguro, matapos pa ang ilang panahon saka ko lang malalaman ang sagot sa tanong na iyan. Pero kung ano man ang sagot dun, tama ba o mali, wala akong alam. Ang dapat kong sagutin, "Tama bang mag-blog ng 4:10 ng umaga?"

Never in my life would I expect to feel this brain-damaging and heart-breaking moment. I never expected to feel this guilt and uneasiness toward the judgment I have made recently. Teaching was one of my goals in life. I have even put it in most of my journals and other essays required in my previous courses. Surprisingly, I was able to fulfill this goal in 21 years time. And, I was blessed to have students who catered me enough the welcome I need to feel worthy of the profession. It was not the most difficult thing to do - imparting things from myself to these students who were eager to learn and develop themselves. Perhaps, this would be exciting for I will be one of the instruments for the creation and moulding of true-blooded Mapuans. As a professor, I tried to give everything. I tried to cover the necessary things to be learnt and I tried to give more than what they deserve. I tried to go beyond what is needed. I tried to provide everything they need to pass. I know my effort is ...

Hahaha! That just means Things Really I Miss. I know that doesn't make any sense. I just want to have something catchy. But, I guess I'm failing. And, considering the stuffs I know when I was in high school about writing, this is so not a good introduction. I feel this post will be trashy. Strating your paragraph with a laugh is awkwardly weird. Haha! Having your paragraph starting with starting and in incorrect spelling is so not me. Haha! Cut this crap please! It has been six months after dreaded graduation. And, 

The world is constantly changing. Even love has its fair share of adaptation to its environment. It transcends from the traditional Maria Clara – Crisostomo Ibarra type of dating to the modern and liberal touch of Friends-With-Benefits scenarios. The movie, UnOfficially Yours, starring John Lloyd Cruz and Angel Locsin as Mackie Galvez and Princess Bricenio, respectively attempted to depict this unusual set-up for most of us.  These types of relationships are often seen on Hollywood movies but not for Filipinos, which tried to stick to the usual love-marriage-sex sequence. If not, the last part was obscure. (Forgive me for I will not dwell on the movie but on the structure of such relationships and its repercussions.) Relationships with no label and expectations are becoming a trend for some people. And, by the word some, I mean indefinite. There have been no clear demographics about this. There might be a study but the depth of the analysis may be equivocal as the depth of th...

Just for fun lang...

I came to realize that as I neared the age of 21, I built my plans - my own plans about my life and how I would like things go. I built my plans as the plans needed by any structure to be built. I built my plans as what real plans (read: structural plan) undergo. There are lots of revisions such that it will be implemented and in accordance to the owner and contractor's demands (read: me and others) (Interlude: I was supposed to make this some sort of my plans then how I realized the importance of working here but I don't know how I relate my plans to the structural plans. LOL) (I'll try to put this post back as planned. HAHA!) My plan was barely lame. It was just time-bounded. I graduate. I pass the licensure exam. I bum for a month or two. I get a job for three years as experience. I build my own. End of story. I know it's just the backbone of my [career] plan. But, I never expected how the third part seems to be the hardest. Bumming is difficult to plan. It has no ...