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Here we go again. Going back to first place I had the courage to travel solo. Going back to the time when I had to courage to take the step forward after my surgery. Going back to the person I wish I bet my future with. It was not even solo before since I was with my friend then went on out separate trips. It was just a step forward but a dozen of strides back, left, and right. I am lost as I had been put together. Now, a lot has changed. Six years apart. One pandemic. Thousands of life lessons. Few successes and more failures. Millions of people have passed. I’m still alone in the room. But, I don’t have to wait for anyone to come. I’m still alone in the room. But, I’m still carefree as my heart desires. I’m still alone in the room. But, I’m not in awe of everything. But, I have you - you who have helped me through the nights I wish I din’t pour my heart out. jt But, I have you - you who believed in me even though I’m no one near perfect. mm But, I have you - you who ...
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0303

Sitting by the window. Seeing the leaves sway down with the wind. Waiting for the sun rays to hurt a little less. Then, the rain drops finally came. And the darkness ran over. It was always like this for the past months. It's almost a year and I can still remember how jumpy I was knowing a possibility of a lockdown. I can almost see green everywhere - not the green that I wanted but some green I've fallen in love with along the way. I travelled from QC to home and decided it's not gonna work. I hoped it was just weeks but turned into months. That was probably the best-and-worst decision I made in my life. Like ever. Now looking ahead, it's like the same thing all over again. We're not slowly moving forward. We're squirming. Sitting by the window. Seeing the leaves sway down with the wind. Waiting for the sun rays to hurt a little less. Then, the rain drops finally came. And the darkness will be over.
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Pawn and a King and a Match

Are we all bound to be happy?   Will we ever have a happy ending? Do we get to see the good in goodbye? Being fan of romantic films, I always root for the guy to get the girl after every traditional or even unconventional flow of the story. I always hope for wedding ceremony after every mishap and trial. I even wish for a baby at the end. Reality never goes the way of movies. Sometimes you are happy but most often you’re not. You’re either sad or nothing happens. Life may be a series of senseless events that won’t matter until the very right moment. I choose to believe that there is. Otherwise, there is no point in going through all the downs and lows of it. All the pain and all the sacrifices won’t matter. All the bitter stops won’t be sweet until the very end. The problem is how do we know it’s the end. Will it be when you take your last breath? Or does it begin when you had your first? Or it was when your millionth but you just have to play extra on someone el...
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(500) Days of [my] Summer

*I don't know why I start opening this site and continue typing words I think to be coherent. I guess there has come a point wherein words need to be written and heard.* There was a point in my college life where my most friends talk about that movie 500 Days of Summer . Basically, I was  forced to watch it because of pressure (?) and curiosity (I think?). Two strangers supposed to make a good love story. But, in the end, it was not a happily-ever-after for them. That was so much feels . But, I just have to let it go. *I am watching this again  and I am distracted with Summer singing. Hahaha* "Love is not Santa Claus ." It is not made up. It is not something you tell your children for them to good. It's a game that no one will win or lose. They will always have something to lose and gain. Weird. We may all have our own Summer - the girl walks into our lives and rips our life into pieces then walks out without any good reason. I may have my o...
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Dark

My mind is probably the scariest place right now. You'll never know what's inside this. My heart must be the narrowest place in my life. Everything's stuck in the middle. My life would be the least exciting thing to watch. I don't want to know what will happen tomorrow. I am sick of thinking ahead and denying of the thing/s I wish I had. I'd like myself to remember that this day happened. I think I need someone to share all my frustrations. But, I don't want really to tell everything. I'd probably jus want to see other people. This day shall pass. This day will be just every other day.
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What 2014 Feels Like

It's almost two years since I last post something for an audience to see or read. I never know what it feels like to write on this white canvas. It's not the most exciting thing to do but somehow it's fulfilling. I have been reminded of what I was used to be and what I could be. There was not complete turn around of what I like. I still love writing. And, I can still do those unimaginable things I used to do. It's strange how I seem to write every bit of emotion I have without telling what those are. I never wanted to share my life to those who'd like to pry on something. I'd rather keep it on my own lest nobody undeserving got into my way. How can I sum up those days I missed blogging? I owe it to myself to keep me reminded of the things that I did. Probably, one day when I get to write my own memoir, I'd just look it up to this. Construction. Teaching. Masters. Detox. Soul search. Those probably could sum those times I did not post anything. It...
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Gusto kitang Ayoko

(Note: matagal na bago ako nakagawa ng isang matinong akda. I never asked for something like this. Though I have not started anything yet. I know this will be something good. I hope so.) Gusto kita. Gusto kitang makasama. Gusto kitang makita. Gusto kitang makita araw-araw. Gusto kitang makita araw-araw o kahit bawat segundo. Gusto kitang makasama habang buhay. Gusto kita. Gusto kita kahit di ko na alam kung tama. Gusto kita kahit sinasabi ng isip ko na hindi. Gusto kita kahit alam kong hindi pwede. Gusto kita kahit ayaw ng mundo. Gusto kita kasi hindi ko kayang wala ka. Gusto kita. Gusto kita kasi hindi ko alam. Gusto kita kasi 'yon ang para sakin ay tama. Gusto kita kasi hindi ko talaga alam. Gusto kita kahit di ko na malaman ang dahilan. Gusto kita. Gusto kita kasi nagiging corny ako pag kasama kita. Gusto kita kasi higit pa sa dictionary ang dating mo sa buhay ko. Gusto kita kasi higit ka pa sa Crayola sa pagkulay ng aking mundo. Gusto kita kasi talo mo...
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